Texty Tuesdays: Tweaking Twerking 12 year olds.

Welcome to Texy Tuesdays!  Posts in which I copy onto this here blog actual, REAL text conversations that occurred between myself and my sister, Meg...These conversations are real-despite what you may think after reading them such as, "what?!  THAT didn't happen...and even if it did, there's no way anyone in their RIGHT MIND would post that on the internets for the whole world to read." (that was you talking to yourself in my head)

Well rest assured, dear reader (reader, not READERS because there's only ONE of you that I know of) I am actually not IN my right mind for most of the time.  So there.

This post could also be called, 'Why I Should Not Be Allowed Around Children; Part 2,  Part 3,  Part 23,  Why I Should NEVER EVER Be Allowed Around Children Ever Again, which is also what I'm considering renaming this blog.

Recently my 13 year old nephew asked me to chaperone his school dance. 

Something he clearly didn't think through very well. 

I, on the other hand, was TOTALLY STOKED to have another opportunity to prove that, contrary to popular belief, I am the responsible sister.

My responsible prudish sister was understandably nervous given my past history.  Also see here, here, here, and here.

So I decided I would keep her updated regularly so as to reassure her that all was going well. 

BECAUSE I'M RESPONSIBLE LIKE THAT contrary to popular belief.

Once at the dance, I was given the all important task of manning the 'drink station'.  Clearly the Sunol Glen Elementary school staff had never met me before had faith in my ability to responsibly interact with children thankyouverymuch.

The following text message exchange occurred: 

Me: Convo in the car on the way over:
     Me: So, are you boys ready for some debauchery?
     Joe(nephew): No Mimi, no.
     Me: What?
     Joe: Control yourself tonight, ok?
     Me: I don't know what you're talking about.
     Joe: There'll be no wine there so you should be good.
     Me: What?!  There's no wine?!  What kind of party is this?
     Joe: Please don't embarrass me tonight.
     Me: Wait, you DON'T want me to embarrass you?
     Joe: No, please.
     Me: Well SOMEONE didn't fully think this plan through did HE?
Meg: lol

*47 minutes later*

Me: Just got scolded for allowing the kids to "linger" at the drink station.  I replied, "um...of course they are.  have YOU ever talked to me?!" was met with a blank stare
Meg: *no response*
Me: Aaand I just accidentally used the word ERECTION in front of one of Joe's friends.  ON ACCIDENT.
Meg: *no response*

*62 minutes later*

Me: I'm bout to holler at this girl who keeps hugging joe
Me: WATCH OUT BITCH
Meg: it's ok.
Me: Oh snap!  A conga line just broke out!  This party is OFF THE CHAIN!

*39 minutes later*

Me: Just gave a bunch of 11 year olds a twerking lesson.  YOU'RE WELCOME SUNOL GLEN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!
Meg: Noooooooooooo
Me: *no response*
Meg: Ur gonna get kicked out!
Me: *no response*
Meg: Tweaking is illegal!
Me: Well ofCOURSE tweaking is illegal, they're clearly not old enough to be using meth.
Meg: *no response*
Me: Ok, how come the dj gets to play "your sex takes me to paradise" but I can't teach a bunch of needy children the latest dance craze?  UNFAIR.