Do NOT give permanent markers to toddlers.
They will eat them.
You see, the fact that they may or may not be toxic to humans apparently makes permanent markers all that much more appealing to toddlers. Kind of like how you know your flat iron is deep frying your hair and that if you keep doing it your hair will continue to break off mid-shaft, eventually giving up its very existence and jumping ship from your head as if there’s a beubonic plague outbreak on your scalp, only you can’t stop because EVERY DAY when you go to the grocery store for wine there’s Kim Kardashian staring at you from the glossy magazine, perched carefully on the check-out line shelf, with her shiny, glossy, perfectly straight hair silently communicating to you that “if you TOO had shiny, glossy, perfectly straight hair just like me you’d be able to get paid for doing nothing but drinking and shopping TOO” and, after all, the only thing you ever really wanted to do with your life is drink and shop and get paid for it anyways so you keep trying to convince your hair to be like Kim Kardashian’s even though it grows out of your head in all different directions and textures like the rogue pubic hair that pokes out of your bathing suit even though you spent an hour carefully shaving and trimming so as not to expose your out of control vaginal hair growth from the sides of your bikini bottom.
Don’t pretend like I’m the only one LADIES. You know what I’m talking about.
That’s what permanent markers are to children. Just exactly like that.
Don’t worry if you didn’t follow that. I didn’t either. Which is why someone should pay me to drink and shop all day long so that I can feel useful and contributive and will stop trying to make sense on this blog.
See?
It all makes perfect sense.
You are WELCOME.
