Sound Advice

*I shared the below story with a few work colleagues and they just sat there, staring at me blankly. 

While I am accustomed to people staring blankly at me when I speak, on this occasion I was shocked. 

why are you not rolling on the floor in laughter?!  THIS SHIT IS HILARIOUS. 
 
As it turns out, these particular work colleagues have been living under a rock have some class, and therefore were NOT familiar with the below referenced slang term that I found to be so hilarious. 

So for those of you who also have some class aren't familiar with a certain word I use below, allow me to prepare you:  

From Urban Dictionary:

1. Queef

an expulsion of wind from the vulva during coitus; a vaginal fart.

EXAMPLE: Rumor has it that Thea can queef the alphabet*.

 

*that's Urban dictionary's example...not mine.

Now, commence reading the below blog post...You're Welcome.


Recently at The Job, I went to visit a client-who I shall henceforth refer to as "Bob".  On this particular occasion Bob needed some...unconventional help.

Because I'm a PROfessional and all, I was happy to oblige. 

The following conversation occurred:

Bob: I need some lady advice.
Me: Bring it
Bob: So I got this girl and we was talking for a minute but now she all up in my business
Me: Uh huh.
Bob: So I don't be into her no more.
Me: Sure, yeah.
Bob: But she don't feel me, you know?
Me: I think I understand the situation.  To summarize; You tapped that shit, and now you want her to go away, right?
Bob: yeah
Me: Tell her you have crabs.
Bob: huh?
Me: Seriously.  A "lady" don't want nothin' to do with a guy who has crabs. 
Bob: Naw
Me: That's sound advice Bob.
Bob: Nawwwwwwww.
Me: Can I see a picture?
Bob: (pulls out his cell phone and shows me a picture)
Me: Ohhhh.  I can see why you need advice.  It's not "lady" advice really because I'm pretty sure she doesn't qualify as such, but I see your dilemma for sure.
Bob: What you think?
Me: What's her name?
Bob: LaQueefa.
Me: I'm sorry, what?
Bob: LaQueefa.
*pause*
Me: Can you spell it for me?
Bob: L-A-Q-U-E-E-F-A
Me: And you're sure that's pronounced LAH-KWEEF-AH?
Bob: Yeah.
Me: is that a nickname you gave her or her God-given birth name?
Bob: huh?
Me: Nevermind. I got some advice for you, Bob. You ready?
Bob: Yeah
Me: Stay away from women who are named after vagina farts.
Bob: Uh huh.
Me: Frankly, that shoulda been a red flag Bob.  RED FLAG.