Elevator Safety (w/ helpful CHARTS & GRAPHS).

I'm 'bout to pull rank on y'all. 

You see, recently it has come to my attention that there is an ENDEMIC of poor elevator-riding manners sweeping the country.

Aaaand, I don't mean to get all I'm-an-elevator-riding-expert on your ass, BUT when it comes to elevator riding, I consider myself something of an PROfessional. 

I have ridden in MANY elevators. 

This also means that I have much experience waiting for elevators in lobby's of buildings and what not.

Therefore, I am ALSO an expert on waiting for elevators (see below algabreic MATH equation...#boom)

I suspect, if there were some kind of certificate awarded for people based exclusively on their elevator-waiting/riding experience, I would be ALL OVER THAT SHIT.

I would have a certificate (at least if not a CROWN) on my perfectly-shaped-for-crowns head.

So, given the above evidence, can we all agree that I am somewhat of an expert on elevator waiting/riding?

Ok, great.

Now that we've established my expertise in this area, allow me to explain how elevators work.

(here's where things may become confusing...DON'T PANIC...I'm about to walk you through it y'all.

You, the human, enter a lobby and push the call button. 

Next the elevator responds, arriving at your floor.  

At this point, there will be probably, usually, in most circumstances be actual human people already ON the elevator when it arrives at your floor.

DO NOT PANIC.

This is totally normal behavior, and is customary for life here on Earth (so disregard if you believe you are an Alien Life Form (ALF)--you ALF's are excused from the aforementioned "normalcy"...CARRY ON WEIRDOS **if you're laughing right now, you obviously have NEVER been to San Francisco** )

In addition, to people being ON the elevator when it arrives at your floor, BE ADVISED, these same people may desire to EXIT at the very exact same place which you are trying to ENTER.

Rest assured, fellow elevator riders, that I have never, ever, ever, ever, ever IN MY INFINATE ELEVATOR RIDING EXPERIENCES seen one elevator door maliciously and deliberately try to shut it’s doors before those who are EXITING have completed the exiting process so that you who are waiting to ENTER cannot get on.

Therefore those of you who are not so patiently waiting a lift to another floor, have no real reason to BUM RUSH those who are attempting to EXIT said elevator as they attempt to exit. 

Listen closely friends....elevators are designed to allow people to both exit and enter.

Based on my previously established expertise in this area, I can assure you that THE ELEVATOR WILL STILL BE HERE, DOORS OPEN, ONCE I GET OFF OF IT. 



I feel that perhaps a chart is necessary, given the abundant prevalence of elevator bum-rushing happening these days....



Got it?

 

GREAT. 


YOU'RE WELCOME.