Dear People For Whom I Am Housesitting: Volume 2

Dear People For Whom I Am Housesitting,

Whoo hooo, I'm house-sitting again!  This is great, but seriously...Why did you invite me back?

I know.  You're related to me, and as we've all learned from that Davidian Sect...INBREEDING IS WHERE ALL THE LOYALTY'S AT.

Sorry.

Was that too much? 

*sigh*

Whatevs.

Anyways.... I thought about reminding you of what happened the last time I house-sat, because I’m clearly not up to the challenge of responsibility.  But then I remembered that I currently live in my old childhood bedroom in my parent’s house.

So...of COURSE I'll house-sit your house-ness and your animals and safeguard all your valuables and...yeah…all that stuff...AGAIN....UNSUPERVISED, despite my previously established irresponsibility **.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

As per usual when I'm in charge, many interesting things happened whilst you were gone but NONE of which demonstrate irresponsibility on my part including, but not limited to:

1) Who exactly was in charge of the garbage bins?  That part was unclear.  And, in fairness, the garbage bins that appeared on the curb on garbage day were super, totally, like, for real, similar to the ones that were collecting your garbage in "general" and which used to be in your side yard.  And, they were very similar to your own...only they never reappeared.  It should be noted that, according to the movie ‘Men In Black’, some aliens feed on garbage, so I wouldn’t entirely rule that out as a possibility for this garbagecan=-napping...especially in lieu of blaming me.

2) I may have accidentally downloaded some soft core porn on your Netflix account.   A few things of note here: First of all, what qualifies as “porn” EXACTLY?  I mean, I think you may need to lower your standards-just speaking in generalities for no real specific reason or anything.  And also, *SIDE NOTE*, I was rather innocently searching for the most recent episode of Tori Spelling’s latest reality show (Donna Martin 4 EVA!!!) , for which I may have entered  a combination of words that inadvertently led to pornographic videos.  THROUGH NO FAULT OF MY OWN.  Who knew Donna Martin was into kink?!  NOT ME.

3) One of the Guinea Pigs disappeared.  Nevermind, I found it.

4) That incident where the alarm went off did NOT happen because I forgot the code and decided it would be a good idea to crawl in through the deceptively large appearing kitchen window.  In my defense, time has not been kind to my hips, as it turns out…but that’s neither here nor there since this all happened while I was out running a FIVE MILE marathon with your dog and thus was totally not my fault….since I wasn’t there and all.

5) The other Guinea Pig disappeared.  Nevermind, I replaced it found it.

6) OH! You have plants!  Those probably could have used some water.  I didn't notice though, on account of how I kept the blinds drawn to preserve energy whilst using the air conditioner because I'm SUPER responsible about energy use.

**See here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, & here for further evidence of my irresponsibility...