Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Wordy Wednesdays: Man Meat

Learned another new word this week y'all:  Man Meat.

Need to hear it in a sentence?  ALLOW ME....

Me (to my client): So, remember how I kept nagging you about birth control?
Client: Yeah.
Me: And I was all, like, "you should probably use it or you'll end up with a baby" and you were all, like, "I don't need it, I'M GOOD".
Client: Yeah...So?
Me: And then you got pregnant anyways...
Client: *blank stare*
Me: So, then you, like, gave birth?
Client: *blank stare*
Me: To a baby...you know (pointing to said baby sleeping in stroller over yonder).
Client: *more blank staring only now with skepticism and disbelief*
Me: So I'd like to revisit the birth control conversation. On account of how you don't actually have any income or parenting skills to speak of and since child welfare is all up in your craw about you not really taking care of the kid you already have that they want to take away this one...
Client: Oh, you mean like birth control pills.
Me: I think you should probably use them. 
Client: I don't want to put poison in my body.  My body is a temple.
Me: (Ignoring the "FAMILY SIZE" bag of Flaming Cheetos) Ok, well there's always condoms.
Client: Oh no, I don't like anything on my man meat.
Me: *blank stare* What?
Client: *reciprocal blank stare* What?
Me: I'm sorry, did you just say 'man meat'?
Client: Yeah, man meat.  I like it plain.
Me: OK.  Um...Well, I guess I have no idea what to say to that.
Client: See?  How do you like it?  I mean, do you like your man meat all wrapped up an' shit?
Me: I think you may actually have a point.
Client: Thank you.
Me:  I'm unsure of how to proceed from here.
Client: You could offer to buy me a cookie.
Me: No.
Client: Fine, whatever.  I don't need your cookie.  I have my man meat.

Aaaand, lest you think I'd let my good friend Google off the hook....

May I present to you: Man Meat



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