Swear Jar=I am FUCKED.

It's finally happened people.

My sister (she of the FIVE children), has implemented a Swear Jar.

This, in and of itself will bankrupt me, OBVIOUSLY.

But on top of having to contribute to the Swear Jar for your standard (and I use this term loosely) "swear" words, such as: fuck, asshole, shit, dammit, turd etc....my sister has also implemented an "inappropriate things" clause that applies ONLY to me and me alone. 

Meaning that anything she deems "inappropriate" that I mention within her earshot in front of her children ALSO warrants a contribution to the "swear jar".

Obviously I object as this means that virtually EVERYTHING I say EVER will result in a financial contribution to the aforementioned socially restrictive and free-speech-oppressing "swear jar".

Particularly as "inappropriate" basically means anything that my sister has not, thus far, mentioned to her children which includes a WIDE variety of topics including EVERYTHING.

Just the other day, for example, the subject of vibrators came about which, apparently, my sister had never mentioned in front of her children.

I got blamed for the introduction of this topic, as per USUAL.

And, if I may add, just because my sister hasn't mentioned something to her kids does not automatically mean that they first heard it from ME.

These kids are in PUBLIC school, after all.

They may very well be retaining information from other sources that are NOT me.  So how does my sister know for sure that when I mention something, her children are hearing it from me for the first time? 

Thirdly, I would argue that an impartial judge should be appointed to determine objectively what IS or IS NOT "appropriate" because by my sister's definition everything on EARTH is inappropriate.

How can I take responsibility for all of the topics on the whole of Earth?

Case in point...tonight the following occurred:

Meg: Oh!  I bought you an early Valentines present!
Me: *crossing all of the fingers on both hands and saying OUT LOUD* Oh please let it be a naked man. Oh please let it be a naked man.
Meg: (outraged) That is NOT what it is!
Me:  *crossing all of the fingers on both hands and saying OUT LOUD* Oh please let it be a WELL ENDOWED naked man.  Oh please let it be a WELL ENDOWED naked man.
Meg:(even more outraged)  THAT IS NOT WHAT IT IS!  STOP IT!
*spoiler alert.....it was a wine bottle shaped magnet that said "Wine time is Any time" and was NOT a naked man at all*
Me: What?
Mia (my 10 y/o neice): What does that mean?
Me: It means-
Meg: NO!!  Stop.
At this point my very helpful 13 y/o nephew appeared at my right hand with said "Swear Jar/Inappropriate Things Jar" in hand.
Joe (my 13 y/o nephew): Here. 
Me: *outraged* What?!  How is that "inappropriate"?
Joe: (patting my hand sympathetically) Here's a few nickles to get you started.
Me: *still outraged* What? NO. I do NOT need charity nickles.  How is that inappropriate!?

Apparently using the words "well endowed" warranted an "inappropriate thing" contribution.

WTF.

Then later, when discussing Justin Bieber's recent DUI/DWI/dragracing/resisting law enforcement officers arrest, it came up that Bieber himself is the result of a TEENAGE pregnancy.

To which I--being the RESPONSIBLE Aunt that I am--pointed out how to PREVENT pregnancy.

I suggested condoms & spermicide.

And you can guess what happened next. 

I'll be broke by Easter for sure.