Pseudoephedrine + Blow Jobs= Methamphetamines (this blog post makes no sense whatsoever)

Oh Pseudoephedrine

I love you. 

I don't care what the Feds say...I want to buy you in BULK.  Not because I wish to become a meth addict, lose all of my teeth/frontal lobe brain cells and commence the manufacturing of massive quantities in my garage laboratory to sell for profit...but rather because I have SEASONAL ALLERGIES.

That's right.  SUE ME.  My nasal cavaties become inflamed, drippy and in need of theraputic levels of pseudoephedrine to remain viable transbuters of oxygen to my lungs during certain times of the year. 

Apparently our legislators do not have seasonal allergies.  Which makes sense since they are all aliens Republicans anyways.

Because in my neck of the woods, one now has to show three forms of ID, give the pharmacist a blow job* and sign away their first born child to get some pseudoephedrine these days.  Which begs the question:

Whose brilliant idea was it to crimininalize the purchase of SMALL quantities of pseudoephedrine via Walgreens?

Is that really where the bulk of the supply was coming from...my local Walgreens? 

Clearly the Feds have never been in MY local Walgreens because there aint nobody up in here but a bunch of arthritic 80 year olds and some broke-ass white bitches giving pharmacists blow jobs.**

Once upon a time, I could be allergic to Acacia trees without feeling like a goddamn criminal for seeking pharmaceutical assistance. 

Now, Me + Acacia pollen = OMFG YOU MAY BE MANUFACTURING METHAMPHETAMINES!!!!!    

Another example of a few morons fucking it up for the rest of us and I am feeling resentful. 

Because of YOU, meth users, I can no longer buy Sudafed in BULK.  

Let me be clear as to what I mean by "in bulk"....I mean that I used to buy Sudafed 24 tablets at a time. 

There are several problems with this picture.

First of all:  I know, right?  ooooooooo, SO RISKY and DANGEROUS.  24 whole tablets at once.

Secondly: You know why I bought the 24 pack instead of the 8 pack?

I'M LAZY.

I don't want to drive to goddamn Walgreens every 8 days during tree pollen season.

WHAT KIND OF TIME DO YOU ASSHOLES THINK I HAVE?!

Thirdly: According to my sources (and by that I mean Google), it takes KILOgrams of pseudoephedrine to produce meth in any kind of quantity worth the effort in terms of profit margin (which, frankly, begs the question; how many blow jobs are those pharmacists getting?***)

Therefore, it seems to me that the REAL problem here is that the Feds have an unrealistically low opinion of meth manufacturers. 

Are they really such underacheivers such that their primary source of meth production is my local Walgreens?  Because, how much meth, REALLY, is a 24 pack of Sudaphed going to produce?  I'm no math genius, but I believe that those numbers would be less than a KILO of any sort and may, in fact be only a teeny tiny bit.

May I offer, as it apparently has not yet occurred to our illustrius legislators, that it may be more likely that meth producers are utilizing other sources than their local Walgreens via one-at-a-time purchases of 24 pack pseudoephedrine to manufacture their methamphetamines for mass distribution?

Oh, WHOOPS. 

Was that too much common sense for one day?

Sorry.
 

*I have since been advised that giving pharmacists blow jobs for sudaphed is NOT part of the new Federal regulations....FYI.

**I have never actually SEEN any broke ass white bitches giving pharmacists blow jobs-that is mere speculation on my part.

***I have no actual proof that blow jobs were exchanged for sudafed.