Conversations on the Job: Bob, again.

Welcome to a new series on this here blog that no one reads, in which I will chronicle actual conversations that actually happen at my job which I shall proudly call: Conversations on The Job.

You may remember my previously documented interactions with my client, Bob.

Well, I ran into Bob again.

And, again, he was in need of some "female advice".

Bob: Alright, so I got this girl, feel me?
Me: No.
Bob: Well, she be workin, you know? So I gotta decide if imma smash or pass.
Me: Smash what?
Bob: Huh?
Me: Are we talking about marijuana?  Because I saw that movie where Chris Rock is all like, "puff puff GIVE!  You're fucking up the rotation!" Is that what we're talking about?
Bob: *staring blankly*
Me: You know.... by "pass".  Marijuana?
Bob: *more blank staring*
Me: I'm sorry, I forgot myself.  Go ahead.
Bob: So...
Me: Oh, wait!  I get it!  She's a prostitute.
Bob: I don' like ta play it like that.
Me: I don't understand
Bob: I mean, you know...
Me: No. I don't know.
Bob: *sigh*
Me: *no response*
Bob: Man, you gonna help me or not?
Me: Probably not.
Bob: I'm for real.
Me: *no response*
Bob: So I got this girl...
Me: The prostitute?
Bob: Now you aint even payin' attention...
Me: What? I'm paying attention!
Bob: Nah.
Me: Ok so I may have drifted off a little bit.  But NOW I'm paying attention.
Bob: *side eyeing me*
*uncomfortable silence as Bob side eyes me*
Bob: So i got this girl...
Me: Who is NOT a prostitute.
Bob: Well, she and we smashed, you feel me?
Me: Smashed what?
Bob: Nah, I aint tryin' ta play it like that, you know?
Me: Not really.  I don't know what any of this means. You got to white it up for me Bob.
Bob: A what?
Me: I'm a white girl Bob.  I grew up in *insert very white suburb here*.  I don't know what any of this means. 
Bob: Oh.  I feel ya.
Me: See?
Bob: Yeah. Okay, lemme break it down.
Me: That'd be great
Bob: so I got this girl, feel me?
Me: So far, so good.
Bob: And she be gettin some attentions.
Me: Nope
Bob: What?
Me: You've lost me.
Bob: Oh forget it.
Me: I think that's for the best.