Thursday, October 4, 2012

Why I cannot be trusted; Volume 1

the following is an actual letter i left for individuals who (mistakenly) entrusted me to house-sit whilst they vacationed...silly humans.

Welcome Back People for whom I am housesitting!!!
I hope the vacay was awesome. Many interesting things happened whilst you were gone (none of which demonstrate irresponsibility on my part.)

1)      I fed & watered your black lab, Rosie.

2)      My Shih Tzu, Mabel, ate some of her own poo.

3)      I learned how to make AWESOME homemade pizza.

4)      I accidentally set fire to some pizza dough in the oven (you really should check the batteries in your smoke detectors…no reason, just a feeling I have…that maybe you should do that, but not because of flame or smoke or anything)

5)      I ate some really awesome homemade pizza

6)      Your black Labrador, Rosie, ate burned pizza dough nothing but the dog food that I was supposed to provide for her and got diarrhea did not get any diarrhea because she only ate her own dog food.

7)      I slept on the couch and learned that your couch is infested with bedbugs received 22 different bites from some unknown/unseen blood sucking insect that may or may not be bedbugs-four of which were on my face and caused me untold psychological trauma.  I’m thinking of suing.

8)      Mabel ate some more poo, some of which may not have been her own.  Your backyard lawn is VERY clean.

9)      Rosie ate a pair of my socks and they have yet to come out her nether regions…so if those show up let me know.  Seriously.  Let me know.  Those were $4 socks.

10)   Also, I may have forgotten to flush one (or all) of the toilets before I left.

Love,
Me

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