Friday, March 29, 2013

Bulls Have Penises, Not Cows



I took my adorable four year old neice to Food Maxx today.  Outside the store she wanted to ride on the plastic mechanical cow that, presumably, was placed here instead of at the Saddle Rack Bar down the street, by mistake. 
 
This cow had horns and a giant PENIS.  No joke. 
 
My neice, unfortunately, noticed the aforementioned penile shaped protrusion and declared that this is was how the "cow" gives "milk" to its baby. Given the HORNS on said "cow", and the aforementioned penis, as well as my rather infamous inability to implement a brain-to-mouth speech delay, I went ahead and corrected her. 
 
"Oh no, that's his penis."
 
*sigh*
 
Have I mentioned that my sister is VERY Catholic and, quite frankly, a total prude.  She doesn't mention such things as PENISES in her house. 
 
Also this week I had to explain the following to the same child:  Lesbianism, why she's always late to preschool when I take her and what a hangover is.
 
It's been a busy week for me.
 
Also, I just made two posts in ONE day.  BOOM.
 
You are welcome.

Note to Self...

Dear Self,

You have made a MESS of your life.  In the future, you should probably NOT take jobs wherein your clientele will consider death threats an effective means of communicating need. 

Also, do NOT go to grad school without a magic millionaire husband to support you. 

WASTE. OF. TIME.