Halloween is AWESOME, BUT You May Be A Communist.

Halloween is the MOST AWESOME holiday ever.....

There may  be other holidays that are also  awesome, but I doubt it and thinking so probably makes you a COMMUNIST.  (wait, do we still hate communists or am I dating myself???).

Let's objectively evaluate the FACTS, shall we?

On Halloween the following occurs:

-people knock on your door and demand free candy then judge you if you're not giving out WHOLE candy bars

-people dress their bratty children as cute cartoon characters so you have to fake-like them or seem like a total ASSHOLE

-you can have disgusting teeth and it's ok because people will think it's your "costume"

-people cut open pumpkins, pull out their slimy, gooey, guts then leave them to rot on their porch

-people deliberately decorate their front yards to SCARE THE SHIT out of small children

-your union does not approve a PAID holiday off for any of the above

Wait...what the?

FUCK.

Halloween TOTALLY SUCKS. 

What the hell was I thinking?!

THIS HOLIDAY BLOWS CHUNKS (unless it becomes a union-approved paid holiday, in which case...YAY, free day off!)